If we want to communicate something to the next generation, generally speaking we’ll be most effective by combining both word and deed. You proclaim something, and you live up to it yourself. You do something, and then you also explain why. We can make several more distinctions. In five different ‘levels’ you can pass on the essence of being Christian. All five are necessary, but the deepest levels project the most conviction and commitment.
Level 1 is the superficial level: your behaviour, what you do.
Level 2 concerns your potential, i.e., what you do because of the gifts you have.
Level 3 concerns your conviction, what you believe, what motivates you.
Level 4 concerns your identity: who are you?
Level 5 is the level of spirituality: your awareness of the whole.

What You Do.
Level 1 is the superficial level: your behaviour, what you do.
Going to church, reading Scripture at dinner devotions, prayer, not using abusive language or swearing, attending Bible study and catechism classes, etc. In the context of our daily practice as care-givers, we put considerable effort into this level. As a matter of course, we often correct our children’s behaviour. Such corrections are invaluable, because you want them to develop appropriate Christian behaviours.
But there is more.
A deeper level addresses a more consequential form of commitment and behaviour. This form of religious expression is not predicated by rules and regulations, but is the result of your God-given potential and gifts.

Your Potential
Level 2 concerns your potential, i.e., what you do because of the gifts you have.
Because you are handy, for example, you are often asked to help with odd jobs for the church community, or because you’re such an empathetic person, you visit shut-ins and the sick. Ryan helps out by spreading evangelism materials from door to door, or Janice helps with baby-sitting at the church. These latter behaviours create a more powerful profile than the first level behaviours since they go beyond the keeping of rules and traditions. However, if parents never explain why they encourage this behaviour, something is missing. Therefore, we must dig down to a deeper level of commitment.

What Motivates You
Level 3 concerns your conviction, what you believe, what motivates you.
You believe that God created heaven and earth and that Jesus Christ died for your sins. If neighbours ask about your convictions, you explain these to them; discussion about these things may even take place without this prompting. You also talk to your children about these things. The more you explain to them why you want things done in a certain way, the more your pass on your convictions to them. For example: why do you insist that especially on Sundays the family should take the time to have a peaceful and elaborate family breakfast? Why do you forbid your children to abuse each other, and ‘bag out’ at each other? How frequently do we take it for granted that they know why? Needless to say, it could add significantly to the Christian ambience in your family if you would profile these convictions more frequently.

Who Are You?
Level 4 concerns your identity: who are you?
What is really and properly your true profile? You not only know that you are a child of the LORD; that has become integral to your identity, even though difficult questions and struggles remain. Often it is difficult to talk about these things because they are so closely connected to your own weaknesses. Nevertheless, when you are open to others and let them notice some of the personal difficulties and struggles you have, others will notice too how committed and intense you are. A child can be very impressed when he hears his mother admit, “I’m one of those people who want everything done precisely and predictably, and therefore it takes such an effort on my side to leave things up to the LORD.”

What Is It Keeps You Going?
Level 5 is the level of spirituality: your awareness of the whole.
In the latter context, the issue is not your commitment to the LORD, or your expressed reliance on the LORD. But rather, that you realize that you are only a very small part of His world. This level of your commitment profiles your unbridled praise of the LORD regardless of what He has done for you personally; simply because He exists! This is the level which profiles your love to the LORD, your awe and deep sense of joy. You will probably agree, that you do not often reach this level of commitment. When this sense of awe embraces you, it is difficult, almost impossible to share this and to articulate this clearly to others, even though this is the deepest form of fellowship you have with God.

Modelling
In our nurturing of children, it is our objective to help them commit themselves to the LORD and learn to live before Him on their own volition. We want them to commit themselves to the most profound purpose of their lives: the praise and glory of God. All we can do as parents is lead them and direct them on the way. They will have to learn to see God themselves. The deeper the level of commitment, the more they will have to make these choices themselves. That does not mean that parents cannot do anything. You can provide them with a good example. If they notice what it means to you, to live and express your deep commitment, that will be the most effective evidence to them that it is really important. Let me give you an example. You can have your children memorize the psalms and hymns (Level 1), especially when they are quite young. You can also initiate a custom to sing these songs together every Sunday evening (level 2). With adolescents it is already more difficult to elicit their participation, though they appreciate customs (after the fact.) You can also express the fact that the LORD is happy with our songs of praise (level 3). When we articulate our views, we express our conviction. However, you cannot compel this commitment or conviction in your children. You can take this matter a step further when you share with your children how helpful psalms have been to you. In good times and bad, you could spontaneously sing an appropriate song to the LORD (level 4). Again, your child will have to experience him/herself personally, what a rich comfort these songs can provide. But, the fact that you’ve articulated this experience to your child, will mean that he will be more readily confronted with a similar possibility in his own life.
Finally, you can also sing songs of praise yourself, spontaneously, (level 5), humming along as you clean up your tool box, for example. Or imagine singing out a psalm of joy after a beautiful sermon. “Wow, he really means it,” your child says to himself (level 4). Perhaps suddenly he will even begin to realize that the sense of God’s greatness and goodness is much bigger than you are. God’s awesomeness has completely captivated you, God Himself! He really exists! That is level 5.

Prayer
Prayer is essential for a Christian family. A true prayer reaches out to level 5, to a realization of our own insignificance, a total commitment, a deep sense of dependence on the Almighty. In prayer you realize: I cannot give this sense of awe to my children, even with all my good modelling. I cannot compel the LORD to give this to my children either, through the intensity of my prayers. I can only trust that He knows what He is doing, and that that is truly good. Be at rest in His greatness.
Most of our prayers at family devotions do not reach this level of intensity. Quite often the peace and quiet is lacking. Also, if someone is required to lead in public prayer, he will be inhibited by his emotions. That is understandable. But certainly, you can let your children notice, that for you personally, there are other prayers, your personal prayer that you pray as dad and mom, each in his or her own situation, as occasion allows during the day. Your example and your way of speaking about it, can stimulate your child to seek such a prayer moment himself. That prayer permeates the day.

When you entrust norms and values to your children, so often you don’t get beyond the superficial level. “You’re going to catechism, period.” Or, “Come on, show some consideration for other people, and do something!” (level 1 and 2). The situation improves when you express your conviction: “Why shouldn’t you use drugs? You would endanger your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit.” (level 3) The depth of your commitment and conviction becomes even more apparent when you show how you have overcome the struggle with certain morals and values (level 4): “When we were courting, we also ended up necking passionately. But in the end, this didn’t give us a sense of satisfaction. We noticed that for us this was often a sign that we had to talk something through, something we had both wanted to avoid. Only when we had decided first to discuss the issues that bothered us, did we notice that our courting became more relaxed, less laden with sexual motivation, and more tender. Then we were also better prepared to tell each other: look out, don’t go any farther.”

And then, that singularly charged moment (level 5): Dad and mom were angry with each other; they had argued, not even giving it a rest during dinner. Finally, father grabbed the Bible, and with an irritated tone he read the next psalm in their evening devotionals.... Suddenly, he choked, overwhelmed by the words. He looked at mother; together they burst out, “I’m sorry!”
An awed silence prevailed around the table..........